This note is an attempt to explain why I feel
so strongly about my decision to serve. I got the idea from a friend and though
mine will be nowhere near as elegant as his, which makes me cry every time I
read it, I do hope it will act as a motivation to me when times get rough and
as an explanation to others who may read it. I will start this with a story I
believe made my decision for me.
It begins toward the end of eighth grade. I
was a good student and a happy person, but then, for reasons I still have not
entirely figured out, I fell and I fell hard. Depression set in and tortured me
for the next two years. During this time I wanted nothing more than to leave
this life and all of its troubles behind. I pleaded for relief and release, but
God in His infinite wisdom and mercy did not grant me my desire. Unlike me He
knew I had much more to do here. Through it all my Father gave me amazing
friends, showed me love and carried me through the dark so I could make it. He
gave me what I needed to keep going even though I did not want it. God saved my
life so I know He has something planned for me, a work I must perform, a reason
to live. This is my foremost reason for serving, to try and repay my God for
the blessing of my life with the souls of his children who have yet to hear His
word.
I did not make this decision so I could take
two years off of school or postpone getting a job, those are just things that
will happen as a result of my decision. I am going for the adventure, the pain,
the sorrow, the joy. I am going for the life I may touch, for the heart I may
soften. I am going because I want so badly to share what I have; all the
blessings, comfort, guidance and bliss that come with a Christ centered life.
When I feel pain because of those I've left behind I will think of the smiles
we have shared and know we will be reunited once again. But I cannot dwell on
what is to come and what has passed, for then I will have no time to focus on
those who I am trying to serve in the present. I will try follow the counsel found in 3 Nephi
13:33-34, "seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness…Take
therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the
things of itself.” I want to live in the
moment and pay attention to the little things because “by small and simple
means are great things brought to pass.” I will learn to take the good with the
bad for one cannot know true joy unless they have first felt pain. It will
never be easy but I should leap at the challenge. Besides in the words of
Thomas Paine "the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What
we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly." My sweat and tears will be insignificant
compared to what others have shed for me and nothing when compared to the drops
of blood that fell from Christ when He ransomed my soul. But if my toils are
enough to bring one soul unto God, even if that soul is mine, it will be worth
it. I will leave an impression on everyone I see and I hope it will be an
impression of warmth and love.
Above all I am going to serve my fellow man
and bring joy to their lives, something I cannot do while sitting at home. My
knees may ache and my feet may be bloody but there is always someone who needs
me more than I need rest. Life will be tough now and then but everything
changes so fast and “this too shall pass.” I cannot waste a moment. I will not
count success by the number of baptisms I help to bring about, but rather by
the lives I touch. I have a testimony of Christ my Redeemer and I know He loves
each of His children and wants them to come to him. Therefore I will go forward
to wherever God sends me to seek His children and teach them of His love. If I
can teach none of Christ I hope to at least teach some of love.
There was no way to deny the confirmation I
received with regards to my decision to serve so all those doubts and fears
come from the adversary and need not hold sway in my heart. Oh, I am so far
from perfect and I know I can never do this on my own, but that is the truly
amazing thing for I will never be alone. I have the love of my friends, family
and most importantly my Heavenly Father to go with me and buoy me up when
things get hard and I know they will.
I will strive to remember the joy I felt as I
heard the Prophet calling me to serve, accompanied by the ineffable warm
burning within me and the joyful tears which confirmed to me I must heed his
call. I have been preparing for so long, and though I may never truly be ready
for what lies ahead, I know God will help me through. And so I must remember
the reason I was given life: that I might serve.
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